Active Aging

1 R Special Advertising Section | Sunday, October 24, 2021 19 days a week for two weeks. “I saved boxes to make box cities in the backyard,” Thomas recalled. “I had lots of art stuff. We’d bake bread. It was pure fun, and my kids were patheti- cally grateful for any child care they got.” (She temporarily suspended camp to protect her 91-year- old mother, who lives with her, from COVID-19 exposure, but hopes it can return next sum- mer.) Even spending a week at Grandma’s house can help strengthen relationships in ways harder to achieve during flyby visits, and compensates some- what for distance. Use the very technology that can drive you crazy By fifth or sixth grade, many children have cellphones, and younger kids may send mes- sages via tablet or computer; they no longer require parents as facilitators or mediators. So at least once a week, Betsy Buchalter Adler and her husband text their 14-year-old grandson, who lives hours from their home in Pacific Grove, California. “With a phone call, he has to respond,” she explained. “With a text, we’re not interrupting.” They keep their banter light and jokey, sometimes including memes and photos; he replies when he wants to. “We want him to know we have his back, and texting is the least intrusive way to show him that,” Adler said. Other grandparents men- tioned using WhatsApp, Google Hangouts, FaceTime and Skype to stay in touch. One caution: Parents set the rules for children’s devices, and we need to respect those. “We want parents to feel comfortable with the role grandparents play, and not feel second-guessed,” Dunifon advised. Celebrate the events and interests that matter to them If the grandkids are not available to come to you, that doesn’t mean you can’t spend time together. The Lynches show up at games, recitals, con- certs — whatever their grand- children get involved in. They applaud, express their pride and take the kids out for a meal or treat afterward. Entering children’s worlds works particularly well with shared interests. Reece con- fessed that her attempt to learn the video game Minecraft, a fa- vorite of her 11-year-old grand- son in St. Petersburg, Florida, utterly failed. But he loves taking pictures and sends her those he’s particularly proud of; they both follow a favorite photographer on Instagram. When they’re together, ordinary walks become photo excursions. The framed photos she sent as a Christmas gift now hang in his room. Denise Pope, a senior lecturer at Stanford University Graduate School of Education, cautions grandparents not to be “evalua- tive,” however. Kids get enough of that. We’re not the ones checking their grades, keeping track of their soccer stats or praising them when they suc- ceed. “You’re the cheerleader, there to cheer them on no matter what,” Pope said. “You’re not the scorekeeper.” The best gifts for older kids may be green “Giving a kid money allows them to use it any way they want, and it feels very adult to them,” Pope said. Her father regularly slips her children $20 for “pizza money.” We’ve been trained to regard money as an impersonal gift, but even small sums acknowledge older grandkids’ growing indepen- dence. So Elsa Rosales, who lives in Boerne, Texas, takes her teen- age granddaughters Christmas shopping. She sets a budget, and “they have to keep count of how much they have spent and how much they still have,” she said in an email. The youngest, 13, appreciates the opportunity to work for pay; lawn-mowing or yardwork also means spending time with her grandfather. Maintaining these relation- ships is worth the effort. “Chil- dren who have close relationships with their grandparents thrive,” Jacobvitz said. “Grandparents can foster resilience in tough times. They’re not transitory, like a teacher you have for a year.” As for T-ball, once the season ended, Bartola and I had our overnight visit. We had a fine time, and her parents got to sleep in. But we may have run into a hurdle. Having watched “Raya and the Last Dragon,” with its butt-kicking animated heroine, maybe 130 times, now she wants to learn karate. On Saturday mornings. Grandkids Continued from page 17 ACTIVE AGING