Active Aging

1 R Special Advertising Section | Sunday, October 24, 2021 17 ACTIVE AGING By Paula Span The New York Times Last spring, my granddaugh- ter had a half-day of preschool on Fridays, so her mother and I tried to find a weekend when I could drive her from her home in Brooklyn to New Jersey for a sleepover at Bubbe’s house. (“Bubbe” is Yiddish for grand- ma.) The problem: She had started playing T-ball, with games early Saturday mornings. My daughter would have al- lowed her to skip a game. T-ball for 4-year-olds is a low-stakes proposition: The kids whack at a ball atop a cone until they hit it, while outfielders largely ignore the proceedings and nobody keeps score. But Bartola (a family nick- name, in tribute to former major-league pitcher Bartolo Colon) loved showing up in her uniform, wearing eye black like her big-league hero, Aaron Judge of the Yankees. I didn’t want her to sacrifice a Saturday. I hadn’t expected to confront this dilemma for years to come, but here it was already: As kids grow older, developing more interests and busier schedules, grandparents face competition — from sports teams, music lessons, homework, friends. We have to work to maintain our relationships. Ros Reece, an artist in Port- land, wondered what happened to the little boy who loved long walks with his grandmother. “It always turned into a major adventure,” she told me wistfully, remembering time spent with one of her grandsons. “There was always a bird or a turtle to see in the woods. The park had slides and swings. He had his first taste of ice cream.” Now? “He’s 14,” she said. “It’s like, ‘Go for a walk? Why?’” How to pencil yourself into a growing grandkid’s busy schedule Yet research by Rachel Dunifon, dean of the College of Human Ecology at Cornell University, shows we can stay connected. Analyzing federal surveys from 1997 through 2007, her team found that half of children under 5 spent time with a grandparent in a typical week; more surprisingly, so did 35% of elementary school kids and 20% of teenagers. In fact, teens (leaving aside those who lived with their grand- parents) averaged six hours a week in a grandparent’s presence. Though one might expect some changes in the years since,“I don’t think the pattern has shifted,” Dunifon said.“It shows what an important role grandparents play in children’s lives.” As much as it can complicate our routines (geographically distant grandparents have even greater challenges), we can’t really bemoan that growing grandchildren have more going on than they once did. Unless it’s overdone, that’s a healthy development. “These activities can build self-confidence, a sense of competence, and they can connect them with other kids,” said Deborah Jacobvitz, a child psychologist at the University of Texas at Austin. “The world broadens.” I’ll encounter even more complicated schedules ahead, and fuller calendars mean we have to adapt, in creative ways, if we want to stay close. Happily, grandparents I interviewed of- fered some road-tested strate- gies to keep connections alive. Try to make room for one-on-one time Family visits, in person or on Zoom, are often group events for Dent and Mary Lynch, who live in Churchton, Maryland. But Dent, known to his grand- kids as “Duck,” also spends time with them individually, even if that means just a short drive for ice cream or a visit to a guitar store; Mary takes them back-to- school shopping. “They like the attention,” Dent explained. “They tell you about their day, or about school, without their brothers and sis- ters sharing the spotlight.” Jacobvitz approves. “In a group, children can recede or not feel involved,” she said. “One-on-one gives grandpar- ents a chance to really listen, and it makes children feel important.” Strive for some extended time together Amy Thomas began invit- ing her two nearby grandchil- dren to her house in Berkeley, California, for what she dubbed “Mamie’s Day Camp” when they were 7 and 10, sometimes joined by her two nieces. Camp ran five COURTESY OF AMY THOMAS Amy Thomas, of Berkeley, California, invites her grandchildren and other young family members to her home for summer visits, spending time on art projects and backyard adventures. Continued on page 19